Hot Sweaty Men With Big Muscles in Tight Costumes… ASSEMBLE!

A.K.A. The Avengers. But I personally think they should change their name to the above.

So I went to see The Avengers last week and – wait. I almost forgot. I have to stop here to say something. If you haven’t seen this film yet, then get off your lazy ass and go see it! Im about to spoil a million things (and by a million I mean one). So… spoiler alert.

The Avengers comes off the heels of five major superhero flicks in the last 4 years. It’s been a long time in the making and Marvel really only had one shot at it. They hired cult writer/director Joss Whedon to take the lead and assemble Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr., The Incredible Hulk (Mark Ruffalo/Computers), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Captain America (Chris Evans), Hawk Eye (Jeremy Renner), and Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) under the direction of the powerfully ambitious Nick Fury (Sammy Jay) to fight off the evil forces of Loki (Tom Hiddleston), Thor’s God brother from outer space.

And if you don’t think that’s far fetched enough, the premise is as follows:

Loki steals a magic cube so that he can harvest its energy to open up a portal to deep space and let evil alien creatures onto our planet to take over or something. The Avengers, Earth’s (ahem…America’s) mightiest superheroes must overcome their differences and learn to work together to save the world (ahem…New York City) from this evil.

I have to say, this film was very good. Robert Downey Jr. reprising his charismatic role as Tony Stark helped. So did seeing Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, and Jeremy Renner all oiled up and greasy. So did not seeing so much of Mark Ruffalo. Sorry Mark, but you look like the ugly step sister next to those bros.

“I use a bow ’cause nobody can handle these guns!”

The chemistry between the cast was excellent as they all brought to the table the essence of their characters and the respective films they starred in leading up to The Avengers. This is Whedon’s biggest accomplishment here: taking four distinctly different tones and mashing them together into one, while maintaining what was so special about each one within their respective characters.

On top of that, the film had fast, witty dialogue, lots of pop culture references, and it was really funny. Classic Whedon.

“Fill these hands with money ’cause my movie just made over 1 billion dollars, bitch!”

Despite the film’s charm and charisma, it did have a few weak points. I didn’t feel, for example, that the death of Agent Coulson (Clark Gregg) was a strong enough turning point for the Avengers to finally get pissed off and work together as a team. I didn’t feel that much of an emotional attachment between any of the characters and Agent Coulson, so why were they so upset by that specific death? I’m sure dozens of other S.H.I.E.L.D. agents died during that battle. Even in the films leading up to The Avengers, Coulson was more of an antagonist than a friend to the heroes. So why were they so sick about his death? 

My other problem with the film was… NEED MORE HULK. Seriously, when Big Green was around, the film was at its funniest. That being said, “the other guy” (as Dr. Banner consistently calls him) really only shows up during major action sequences so to have more of him, story points and dialogue would have to be sacrificed. And these were really key to the film’s charm.

“RAAAAAWWWWR!”

And of course, when you go to see this film, stay until the credits are over. It is a Marvel movie, after all. 

I look forward to the sequel, as well as this summer’s The Amazing Spiderman, because I hope that they will incorporate him into The Avengers 2.

Overall, I give The Avengers a 7/10. As far as superhero movies go though, I give it a 9/10 (come on, it’s no Dark Knight).

What did you think of the film? Who was your favorite character?

Bromo Movie Night: Immortals

So it’s the day after St. Paddy’s day, which for most of us means a hangover and a lazy day. I suppose for the many lucky ones, it’s also a day of fapping over what you can remember of last night’s rowdy sexual escapade. In either case, you’re probably feeling pretty tired, so why not relax and unwind with a good movie?

As luck would have it, Universal Pictures released Immortals on Blu-ray earlier this month, and I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend it to my bromos everywhere. The film is loosely based on the Greek myth of Theseus and the Minotaur, and is brought to life like a painting by director Tarsem Singh. Literally. The artistic vision for the film was to tell the story as though it were a series of elaborate tapestries. While some of the grandeur of the film might be lost in translation to the smaller screen (and for most of us, into 2D), there is still plenty to enjoy about it.

For starters, of course, the visual effects are beyond comparison and even seem to be crafted by a loving artist. Bromos will also appreciate that it’s jam-packed with non-stop

Pound me with your hammer, bro!

action and perhaps most importantly, a TON of extra-manly eyecandy. Seriously, with all the drooling and all the gasping, you’re gonna have to be careful not to choke. The movie stars hunky Brit and future Superman Henry Cavill, along with such notable hotties as Luke Evans, Cory Sevier and my personal favorite Kellan Lutz *drool*. Did I mention they are all scantily clad for the entire movie, but because of ancient greek sensibilities and fashion it doesn’t seem out-of-place or awkward (and is thus sexier)? Well there ya have it.

This definitely wasn’t an Oscar-worthy picture, but it’s definitely worth adding to a bromo’s collection!